1. Sex can be a lot of fun, especially when you like the person you’re having sex with. (Let’s not get into hate sex right now).

2. Always use protection. Boys, slap on a condom. I don’t care if it doesn’t feel as spectacular as going in unclad. You’re still going to have orgasm and won’t have to pay child support for the rest of your life. 

Girls, not only does birth control make your boobs bigger and your skin clearer, it prevents babies from popping out of you. There’s nothing worse than praying for your period. Then breaking down in tears of joy when the horrible cramps seize your body and you know you’re not pregnant.

Get on birth control and make sure he’s wearing a condom. No boy is worth your time if he doesn’t want to wear one.

3. Sex doesn’t necessarily equal power. I think young people think that if they start having sex they will feel more mature, and have a greater understanding of life. They will be closer to the good stuff that’s waiting for them on the other side of adulthood. 

But losing your virginity can be a complete disillusionment. You might realize that the person you lost it with cares more about sex than what you have to say or that it doesn’t feel as amazing as you thought it would. When you’re young, some people don’t know where to put their penis or their heart.

4. Trust me, it gets better. The older you get, the more you get to know yourself and what works for you. After you make a mistake ten or fifteen times you will actually learn how to avoid it, including the types of people you choose to sleep with.

As a woman, the most important thing to learn about sex is that your own pleasure is important. You don’t need to spend the whole time trying to impress him. Trust me, he’s already impressed that you are a real life girl touching his penis. Try not to be too self-conscious, he’s not thinking about the pimple on your nose or how your left breast is slightly bigger than your right breast. He’s just thinking about how much he likes breasts.

Men, always try to make her feel comfortable and don’t be afraid to tell her if you’re inexperienced and need guidance. They’ll feel good that you cared enough to ask. A lot of women feel objectified during sex and it’s nice to know that the guy genuinely cares if you’re having a good time. 

The truth is, no one knows what they’re doing when they start having sex. That’s what makes anything having to do with sex so much fun.

If most people could go back to when they were young, I think they would be more direct and honest about what they wanted. They’d try to treat people with more respect and delicacy. And they’d never take shit from people who treated them poorly. 

5. The novelty of touching someone is sometimes more exciting than the pleasure that comes with sex. As time goes by, you’ll figure out the rest of it. For now, enjoy the warm feelings you share with people you want to get close to. These moments quickly slip into nostalgia. You’ll never adore a crush with such childhood innocence again.

Even if you’re a cynical adult, we needed to have this sex talk. It’s easy to fall into the same patterns you had when you were sixteen– having sex with people who treat you poorly, seeking validation through sex, and being too embarrassed to ask for directions.

If you don’t recognize these patterns, the things that hurt when you were young will follow you into adulthood. 

Grow up and have the sex life you always hoped for yourself. You don’t even have to sneak into your parent’s house or do it in the back of your old Plymouth Valiant.

Emily and her cohost Menace discuss Facebook etiquette after a breakup and why self-love is the most important thing for your life (masturbation and loving yourself).

Emily ends the show by breaking down the biggest dating mistakes people make, from talking about your past sexual partners to hooking up with a sibling of someone you dated.

If you’re interested in dating mistakes and improving your sex life, check out my sponsors: Crazy Girl, Masque, and Good Vibrations.

Use coupon code Emily25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl.

Use coupon code GVEmily20 at checkout for 20% off purchases of $100 or more at Good Vibrations.

Men think all women are looking for the same thing, when really we aren’t. In fact, I’ve been craving laughter lately and a little sex for dessert.

The guy men think women are drooling over seem boring to me! Although it doesn’t hurt to be devastatingly good looking, what women are really looking for is the funny guy. When we are old and wrinkly we want someone who still makes us laugh over tea and crumpets. A sense of humor goes further than sexiness.

But we do want someone who is enthusiastic about  sex and someone who continues to hone their sex skills. Women enjoy sex just as men do, when it’s done right. You either need to know what you are doing or ask the right questions.  A confident man who genuinely wants to please women will ask for directions, and probably get her there a hell of a lot sooner because of it.

Another thing women look for is intelligence. We want men who challenge the way we think about the world, not guys who follow us around like puppy dogs, applauding everything we say. (Although we do say some pretty great things).

We also want someone who is passionate about things in life other than us. We don’t need to be your whole world, just a good portion of it.

Lastly, we want someone who is kind, attentive and appreciates our idiosyncrasies. You don’t have to find all of our flaws incredibly endearing, but it’s nice to know that you understand where we are coming from. Noticing the little things is so much more important than making big romantic statements. Noticing when she’s got a new pair of glasses says more than, “your eyes are so beautiful I wish I could swim in them.”

After all, it is the subtleties that make women fall in love. We love the way you try to make our friends feel comfortable and how you nervously take off your leather jacket so our parents won’t see you in it. We love finding you curled up, reading our favorite book because you want to understand us better. We fall in love in the moments where you don’t realize your own greatness.

While most women want a guy with a sense of humor, intelligence, and a healthy penis, what each woman finds irresistibly funny, smart, and sexy is a little different. Always try to be the best version of yourself so when a woman comes along who jibes with your subtle sexiness, you’ll be ready.

When dating someone new who you are having sex with how do you bring up the topic of what you like or don’t like while having sex with them (hopefully without hurting the other person’s feelings)? How to do you get what you want?

Communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like sexually is one of the most important things a couple can do to maintain a healthy relationship. The “when and where” to have these conversations is a delicate decision. If you have issues with something your partner is doing (or not doing) in bed, it’s usually best to talk about it outside the bedroom (unless you’re in pain). Bring it up during breakfast, while you’re talking a walk or just hanging out. This way it doesn’t spoil the mood, make your partner feel defeated or insecure.

Talking about your sexual desires should be done in a positive, playful and constructive manner. Always start with what you do like, “I love it when you nibble my ears” – and then you add your tip- “and I’ll bet it would feel amazing if you kissed my neck.”

This way you’ve reinforced your partner, and gave an indication of something you’d like to experience. Then you can ask your partner, “What do you like about our sex life and is there anything you’d like to do to enhance it?”

If there’s something that your partner is doing that you don’t like, let them know that you enjoy having sex, tell them something you really like about it and then tell them directly it doesn’t feel as good when (fill in the blank). Again this reinforces the positive and allows you to be honest about what doesn’t feel right.

It’s key to be delicate in these situations but with the right tone, message and affirmation you can all be having the best sex of your lives. Isn’t that what you want?

Asking the right questions to your partner is an easy way to not only enhance intimacy in a relationship, but also expand your existing sexual repertoire. Here are some of my favorite questions to help take your bedroom behavior up a notch. And the best part? These questions work both ways, so here’s hoping your partner is a quick learner….

Play ‘Would You Rather?’ 

The kids game ‘Would you rather?’ can easily be turned into a sexy game allowing you both to explore your sexual boundaries and understand each others wants and desire. The answers are fun but also very revealing about each partners’ attitude towards sex and relationships.

Would you rather be blindfolded or blindfold me? 

This is a way to test how your partner feels about letting go during sex play.

Would you rather have sex while someone is watching you, or would you want to watch a couple have sex in front of you? 

This is a fast track way of finding out if your partner is a voyeur or an exhibitionist. Plan accordingly!

Would you rather orgasm while I’m performing oral or during intercourse? 

This is one way to find out how important oral sex is to your partner. Something you might not want to slack on, depending on the answer. How your partner answers would be telling of how they feel about orgasms. Do they want to let go and have you perform on them or would they rather have the one-on-one, eye-to-eye, connection that comes with intercourse?

Would you rather try out kinkier sex ideas or have romantic sex? 

Sure, some of us like a little of everything. A spanking one day and staring into each other’s eyes like you mean it another day. Is your partner vanilla or spicy? The truth will be revealed.

Dig Deep During Dirty Talk 

Asking your partner questions about their preferences and desires will help you pleasure him or her more during sex. Here are some suggestions to get started.

What was your high school sex fantasy? 

Since they aren’t in high school anymore, this question will get them to talk more freely about their fantasies. They can always blame their ‘High School self’ for a bizarre fantasy. Also, it will get them thinking about all the sexual frustration they had in high school and how they can finally realize their fantasies with you.

What does it feel like when you orgasm? 

This makes your partner think about how wonderful it feels to orgasm.The feeling is indescribable, so they’ll probably want to have one ASAP to give you an accurate description of what it feels like.

Is it okay if I go down on you right now? 

This is extremely sexy because you’re asking them if it’s okay to do something they’re dying for you to do. By asking them if it’s okay you’re showing them just how much you want to please them.

Play “Truth or Dare” 

Truth or Dare’ questions are also a great way to learn more about your partner and ensure you get it on at the same time. Here are some examples:

Truth: What kind of foreplay would you like to try next time we’re in bed?

Truth: What’s something dirty that you’ve always wanted to say to me in bed (or be said to you)?

Dare: Eat a piece of fruit (peaches are always a sexy favorite) in the most sensual way possible.

To ease into some dirty inquiring, try one of the below classics: 

What’s your favorite position?

Where have you always wanted to have sex, but are scared to?

What’s your favorite body part other than your penis?

Would you rather I kiss you softly or more roughly?

Do you prefer me to undress you or would you like to undress yourself?

What’s your most memorable sexual experience we’ve had together and why?

What’s a fantasy you’ve never shared and would like to try?

Happy Dirty Talking, y’all.

Here’s how to tell if a cheater is worth forgiving:

Break up with them if…

They are a repeat offender.

They only feel bad when they are caught.

They won’t take responsibility for their actions.

You feel satisfied that you finally caught them red-handed!

You’re not surprised.

You know deep down this person is a cheater who is never going to change.

Consider making amends if…

They admit what they did because the guilt is eating them alive

You really love them and you truly believe you can get over it.

They cheated because of something wrong in the relationship that you think is resolvable.

They are taking responsibility for what they did.

You really think that it was a one time thing. Cheating happens but you don’t think it will happen again.

There are many different situations that drive people to cheat. Some people cheat because they think they can get away with it. Other people cheat because they are trying to get away from the relationship.

While some couples will never get over cheating, others can move past it. It is possible to build the trust back in your relationship with open communication, forgiveness and a lot of deep emotional work. It’s not easy rebuild trust, but it can happen. Some couples go into intensive therapy and work on their issues and get back together. Their relationship is stronger than ever because they addressed many of the challenges plaguing their relationship.

There are also the couples who come to the realization that there will always be something broken in the relationship. They have to pick up the pieces and move on to a new relationship, where hopefully they won’t make the same mistake.

Cheating is never fun, no matter which side of the broken heart you’re on. Just make sure you deal with the emotions and issues as they come up so you don’t stretch out the painful process longer than needed.  Facing the problems head-on will help you heal faster whether you decide to stay or break up.

Emily talks about cheap date ideas, from the childhood activity of flying a kite to slugging back some beers at a pub. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time and try something new.

Speaking of trying something new, Emily discusses people’s obsession with anal sex. If you’re interested in having backdoor sex, Emily shares how to talk to your partner about trying it and how to make it pleasurable (not painful!) for you both. 

If you’re interested in backdoor sex and improving your sex life, check out my sponsors: Crazy Girl, Masque, and Good Vibrations.

Use coupon code Emily25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl.

Use coupon code GVEmily20 at checkout for 20% off purchases of $100 or more at Good Vibrations.

Nothing says, “I need to have you now” like doing is standing up. More than any other position, it expresses a powerful urgency, especially if you don’t even take the time to get fully undressed…

Sex standing up positions involve a unique set of challenges, including differing partner height, strength, balance, and coordination. Sound difficult? You don’t have to make this a freestanding event. Lean on your lover for support or against a handy wall. In a more narrow door frame, you can both brace your arms and legs in interesting ways. Do be careful with your movements– a slip can end up bending him in strange and usual ways. 

It might take a little experimentation, but if you adjust as you go, it’ll all work out. Start out with her spreading her legs, bending her knees, and facing forward or backward. He can also left her up against  the wall, with both her legs wrapped around his waist. Or she can try standing on one leg while wrapping her leg around him. That’s a classic standing position– and for good reason.

Image from my book, Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight 

Missionary position is anything but mundane when her legs are flailing in the air and his penis is hitting all the right places. Emily breaks down variations of missionary position to turn the ordinary position into an orgasmic position…

Emily also shares secrets for picking up women in bars (none of them include buying her a drink right off the bat).

But I have to say, there are actually a lot things people can learn from those “crazy” people in open relationships.  The great part about open relationships is that you get to create your own rules. You decide on things like, are you allowed to date another person? If you go on a date with someone, does that mean you go home with them and spend the night? Setting up rules forces the couple to communicate about what they expect from the relationship.

On some level we’ve all bought into the myth that we are meant to meet someone who will fulfill all of the things missing in our lives. We think that person will become our everything– someone to sleep with, eat with, cry with, and laugh with. People desperately want to meet the “right” person to become their sun, moon, and stars.

The truth is, your partner does not have to be all of those things all the time. If you’re in an open relationship, you acknowledge that different people fulfill different needs. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be the person who pours you wine, goes shoe shopping with you, brushes your hair, and tells you you are wonderful everyday. Never lose touch with your friends in a relationships, because they will fulfill needs your partner simply cannot.

I’m not suggesting that you join a polyamorous love circle (I mean it could be kind of fun). But instead of dismissing alternative relationships as the antithesis of monogamous relationships, you can learn from them to make your relationship stronger. If you expect your partner to be fulfill every aspect missing in your life, you’re going to be dissatisfied.

If you want a great relationship you can choose to embrace radical honesty like many people in open relationships. I’m not talking about admitting that you fantasize about having sex with the coffee barista in the public restroom. I’m talking about having the conversations you don’t want to have, that you keep on telling yourself you’ll finally bring up tomorrow. Maybe you wish your partner was more adventurous in bed or you wish they would stop talking to their ex every week.  Whatever it is, if you bottle it up inside you’ll start a chain of resentment and fighting. Nothing will get resolved if don’t have open communication with your partner.

Bottom line: no matter what kind of relationship you choose, you can create your own rules, practice intense communication, and recognize that one person on the planet isn’t capable of making you feel whole.