“Help. My wife cheated on me.”

Dear Emily,

About two years ago, I hooked up with a girl. We hit it off, and being the horny teenagers we were engaged in sexual activities many times. We now have a one-year-old little girl  and living happily together. A few weeks ago, I got home from work, and went to log onto the computer we share, and saw a message pop up from some guy. I got to reading their conversation; turns out they had sex while I was at work.

I confronted her about it that night and we kind of worked things out, but I can’t get it out of my head. I try not to think about it, but I know it will always be there.

I still think I love her, but at the end of the night, we’re both young people trying to do the grown up thing. I don’t know what to do.

Confused, in need of help
Dan

Dear Dan,

It is difficult to get over an affair, especially if you replay their online conversation over and over again in your head. By cheating on you while you were at work she violated your trust. However, it is possible to build the trust back in your relationship with open communication, forgiveness and lots of deep emotional work. It’s not easy rebuild trust, but it can happen. By talking about it right after it happened you made the first step towards recovery.

While affairs destroy many relationships, they also have the possibility to benefit your relationship in the long-run by bringing all your relationship problems to the surface. You’ll either have to resolve your issues with each other or make the decision to break up. Of course, breaking up is much more difficult with a one-year-old daughter.  Take the time to let the dust settle and see a couple’s counselor if you need some outside help, which is probably the fastest way you will move past this. The truth is, affairs happen. The question is whether you’ll be able to forgive her for what happened and move on with your life together.

xxx,

Emily